Overcoming Rage

I am Luisa, the blogger for New Vision Community Church. In consultation with the Pastors, who also happen to be my parents, we decided to do a series of blogs detailing the testimonies of individuals that have gone through deliverance (If you are new to deliverance, hopefully this blog will help shed some light). Before writing down the stories of others, I thought it only appropriate that I should tell my story, especially because I was initially very reluctant to seek help from my parents. As you will see in this blog, God had different plans.

As Christians, sometimes it is difficult to be honest about sin that envelops us. Many of us, in a lot of ways, have lived in the closet about behavior that we just cannot seem to overcome. We have tried praying, meditating on scripture, going to church, but nothing seems to help. Guilt starts to weigh in on us and frustration seeps in. That was the case with me. I am a woman who, with God’s help, was finally able to overcome many issues, one of which was rage.

I have been a Christian for over 24 years. I was introduced to Christ at the age of 13 and I fell in love with scripture. For years I studied God’s word and tried to absorb as much Biblical knowledge as possible. In my youth I was given the opportunity to run my own Bible study in my apartment and later in life to help out at a Sunday school at a Baptist church. I was well regarded by fellow Christians, but few knew the darkness that plagued me sometimes. I had seen prayers answered in miraculous ways and never doubted God’s ability to look out after His people, but there were things about myself that I kept close.

Some friends and family that knew me well could see that I could get upset easily, but very few were privy to the rage that sometimes overtook me. My brother had seen this in me a couple of times when I would just start screaming in hysterics and throw anything within my reach at him. Although I never threw anything at my husband, there were times when my demeanor would unsettle him. Unfortunately, the one that witnessed my outbursts the most was my young daughter and that broke my heart every time. I could see terror in her eyes after an episode, and yet I could not control the rage. It was a very strange thing to not want to be angry and yet not be able to stop. Sometimes during a lull from the screaming, I would cry out to God and to me it seemed as though there was only silence from above.

I never thought about seeking help for this and for many years, I just dismissed it as that “hot latin temper.” It was only when I began to see the effect on my daughter that I recognized it as ungodly and honestly, it scared me. I continued to ask God for help, but I did not see any improvement. Help finally came in the most unexpected way.

My “perfect” marriage came to a halt. My husband and I have always felt that communication was our strong suit and we had always seemed to resolve everything by talking it out. Then the “perfect storm” hit. A series of overwhelming circumstances engulfed us and at least for me (I will let my husband tell his own story), they brought out the worst in me. One day we found ourselves sitting on our bed and asking each other if we were going to make it. The only thing that kept me from filing for a divorce was my love for God and my daughter. I was unwilling to disappoint Him and I couldn’t bear to think of the pain it would cause my baby girl. And yet I had become a person I did not even recognize. The issues with rage, were the least of my problems at that point. I was now seeing a person in the mirror that I did not like and despite all the tears and prayers, I did not know how to change back.

What did I do? There were some practical decisions I made based on promptings I felt were from God and advice from friends which included starting a new life with my husband and kids in Pennsylvania. While finally there, I dug up a book my mom had recommended for many years called The Bondage Breaker by Neil T Anderson (I was still too ashamed to directly ask my parents for help although they had tried to reach out since they could sense that things were not right). The book resonated with me, because that is how I felt, like I was in bondage. For years I knew my parents had taken many people through “deliverance,” and honestly I would roll my eyes at them. It was a doctrine that I did not prescribe to and in times past, I had made fun of them for doing it. Here I was now, however, desperate to save my marriage and as I read through the book and the scriptural references, it started to make sense. I followed every recommendation in that book, a process that took me several months, but I finally started to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I could visibly sense a change in myself, but knew that at some point I would need to go through a full deliverance.

I finally gained the courage to ask my friend Ana to take me through deliverance a few years later. Immediately after, I felt better. I felt free. I felt light as if I was walking on clouds. My friend Debbie had spoken to me the day before and she spoke with me immediately afterwards. She was astonished at the change in my voice (Debbie would go through deliverance herself later and we will be telling her story next). A few months later, my parents finished the deliverance process Ana had started. Ana was new at this and I felt it was important that my parents, who have been doing this for a long time, close any loopholes. Those same people I had made fun of for many years, finally helped me gain my freedom through the power in Christ Jesus.

What of the rage? I have seen many changes in myself and in my family since starting that long process that began with a book. However, the most notable change is the rage. It is not there. That does not mean that I do not get upset when my children are disobedient. It means that I do not lose control. It means that my children know I mean business when I use a stern voice, but there is no longer terror in their eyes. There is no more screaming at the top of my lungs, nor the urge to grab things and throw them across the room. In its place, I feel peace and patience and love, even when I have to discipline them. My marriage is stronger than ever. My change was a catalyst for change in my husband. My family life is as harmonious as it can get with an eight-year-old and a two-year-old running around. It is not perfect, but we all feel this amazingly strong bond that is difficult to explain, but that we know is rooted in God.

What I thought were just bad character traits was actually spiritual oppression, and the rage was only one symptom. The other symptoms reared their ugly heads when circumstances flew out my control. Once the spiritual oppression was removed, I was free to be the creation God made me to be. Thankfully, through Christ, we have been giving the ability to renounce spiritual oppression. It is not something that happens automatically the day you are saved in Christ, but through Christ we are able to overcome it.

Deliverance is the process of removing spiritual oppression. There are two parts to the process.  The first requires closing any doors the person has opened to the enemy through sin and that occurs by confessing those sins and giving forgiveness where it is due. That removes any legal right the enemy may have on the individual. The second part requires vocally demanding any spiritual beings to depart. Symptoms of spiritual oppression can vary but if you are a Christian that has been unable to overcome certain sin or behavior (pornography, rage, alcohol, drugs, etc), then there is likely spiritual oppression present. If you would like help, would like to know more, would like a reading list of books on the subject, or would like to go through deliverance, please contact us.